I’m gay. Or bi. Or maybe just confused.
My mom says it makes sense, but not to me. I don’t know when admiring Megan Fox in Jennifer’s Body turned into gayness, but it seemed pretty sudden to me. Then again, no one seemed surprised when I ‘came out of the closet’. You would think that a girl who had confessed her love for Chad Michael Murray numerous times would have at least gotten a nonplussed ‘Really?’, but no. Do I send off some sort of vibe?
Whatever. Since I’m trying to ignore what other people think of me, so I guess it doesn’t matter if I have a neon sign flashing above my head. What I do care about (forgive the self-importance) is me. My doubts/confusion stem from the fact that I have never had a girl/boyfriend, and thus no experience to draw from. So it’s feasible that this whole argument could be considered moot. But it feels true and that’s all that matters to me.
My other teeny, tiny barrier is that I feel like I don’t deserve it. This sounds stupid, but hear me out. I’ve never been yelled at in Starbucks for holding a girl’s hand, or called a ‘homo’ or ‘dyke’. I’ve never been scared of rejection or violence because of my sexuality. I’m not even an advocate for gay rights. Yes, I believe that everyone should be treated equally and a lot of people are restricted from marrying the partner they chose, but I don’t believe in marriage and the only cause I can really get behind right now is the protection of the environment. How can I stand beside someone who has been the victim of discrimination, hate and ignorance and say that I am like them? It seems the height of pretention and naiveté to say that I, who have lost nothing, could be part of a group that has been so hurt and yet continues to fight for rights that I have taken for granted without question.
I don’t know. Like I said - I’m confused.
